Present Nostalgia, Pre- School/ Nanny Drama & Hair
a stream of consciousness : rant
Here is the thing : I LOVE babies, not sure if I like kids as much, definitely not looking forward to teens and the only thing that I am into about having adult children is probably them giving me grandkids.
I know this isn’t for everyone - but the reality is that on a mom level right now - I am probably at peak happiness with my kids ( 2 years 9 months ( and 7 months). Granted sometimes I want to kill them, mostly my toddler but the reality is that I can’t stop having present nostalgia for these little moments.
Walking my toddler to school, and have him ask to hold my hand — and actually hold it the whole time while his dad pushes the stroller, waking up at 7 am and see my baby staring at me smiling in bed, dancing to Beauty and the Beast with my toddler, while my husband is dancing with the baby and our dog is staring at us , never-ending cozies , tiny baby feet, my baby cracking up while my toddler is being a goofball. It all makes me SO happy and SO sad at the same time.
So happy because I got the family I always wanted, and because both my sons exceeded my expectations. So sad because this stage will end, one day they won’t want to hold my hand or dance to Disney songs with us in the living room, their feet will probably be stinky, and they won’t want to cozy with us at night ( God forbid the get girlfriends to cozy with, then i will probably need daily therapy) & we won’t wake up to their smiley faces staring at us in the crack of dawn. And it breaks my heart - and I full-on ugly cry like the psycho Latina mom I am ( and yes my husband thinks I am insane, but am I?) - because this moment will pass, things will change and I just want to be able to hold into these moments, stretch them out, record them all (literally), yet be present and not miss a beat.
Is this common, am I the only one ugly crying by myself here?
Also, of course, I just ended up seeing this Tiktok, and ended up crying- again.
Ps I swear I am not on my period. I just never want this to end
Let me start by saying that we are very fortunate to have help at home. I understand this is a big privilege.
Now, I really wish someone had told me the nanny world is one never-ending drama saga. I was under the impression that you work hard so you can afford to pay someone who can help you, so you can continue to work, keep your identity, have a mental break / life etc. Apparently, it does not work that way, we have been having a carrousel of humans come help, one who left on a Sunday and didn’t come back, one that lied about having to go to a funeral got the money, and ran, one that stole my new lingerie, one that clogged the toilet with her makeup cleaning tissues and managed to create a leak all the way from the 2nd floor to my sons bedroom, & many more…. It is a never-ending list of hilarious stories without a happy ending.
Has anyone managed to crack this code ? Asking for a friend
Trying a new one end of the month - pray for me.
Speaking of things I wish I had known - preschool edition. I wish someone would have warned me the amount of emails and interactions to be expected from American schools. IT IS INSANE. I literally feel like I need to hire an assistant just to keep up with all their emails, WhatsApp groups, texts, calls, and NEVER-ENDING fundraising.
Now I am starting to think this is cultural because I truly don’t recall my parents being inconvenienced to this extent ( they both worked full time).
- I asked my mom, there were no smart phones at the time, or email, so all they got were printed letters or calls for special meetings a couple of times a year. The good old days .
I understand the value of being present and available for your child’s life. I truly don’t know any other working couple that spends as much time with their kids as my husband and I. But the school’s expectations are out of control! And the parents don’t seem to say anything about it, everyone goes along with it as if the schools were doing them a favor. Mind you my kid is not even 3 years old - this is NOT high school or college yet - how much worse is this about to get?
I heard a great podcast the other day about how Parents in America are struggling. They mentioned an advisory warning issued a couple of weeks ago that states the pressure that parents are under has become a public health problem. Some 41% of parents reported they can’t function most days because of stress, and 48% said they’re completely overwhelmed by stress, the advisory said, citing a 2023 American Psychological Association survey
Its simply becoming too much on many different avenues, specially when we live in a country whose laws are no pro families. I am not one to complain for the sake of complaining here, but - call me crazy- why arent parents simply saying enough is enough and also drawing boundaries in order to make their lives more manageable? I truly believe that if we all raised our voices and were more vocal about aligning expectations with ourselves, our partners, our kids, and the schools it would be a lot smoother.
Ok, this seems to be a very controversial topic in America…
Drumroll please….
Boys with long hair.
There is not a day that people ( people we know and strangers alike) don’t feel the need to comment on my sons hair.
I get weekly dose of passive-aggressive messages from my mother telling me when we will finally cut my toddler’s hair. Random people just doubling down on calling him a she, and even the occasional people calling him a them.
I am not exactly sure when it became acceptable to comment on kids looks, and why adults feel the need to give unsolicited advice and commentary on this. Let alone why there is an assumption that boys have to have short hair to be masculine, and why they need to be masculine to begin with ( or what masculinity is in 2024 for that matter - more on this on an interview with one of my favorite authors Ruth Whippman coming in December).
I had a couple of people on social media feel the need to write me profanities about how I am “ making my child gay”, just by not cutting his hair. Even gay friends of mine have made comments about me trying to “turn my son into a girl”. Not sure how the length of someone’s hair affects anyone's sexuality, how a toddler has a sexual preference, and how you can even choose that for someone else and make them anything?
But it all got me thinking about the history of hair and its association with masculinity- so here are some highlights I found interesting
Men in ancient Egypt often kept their hair short for hygiene and practical reasons, especially since the climate was hot. Wigs were common for both men and women, symbolizing social status.
In ancient Greece, long hair was associated with masculinity, status, and even divinity. Greek gods, warriors, and heroe were often depicted with long flowing hair.
In Rome, the trend shifted as short hair became a sign of Roman virtue and discipline. Emperor Augustus popularized short hairstyles, linking it with military discipline and the "civilized" Roman identity.
During the Middle Ages, both noblemen and commoners typically wore their hair long, as it was seen as a mark of honor and social distinction. Short hair, meanwhile, was often associated with servitude or religious life (like monks who practiced tonsure).
Knights wore their hair long under their helmets, and long hair was often seen as part of a knight's honor and chivalric identity.
In Japan, The samurai wore their hair in a chonmage - Cutting off a samurai's topknot was considered a deep insult and a way to strip them of their honor and masculinity.
In Victorian times, short hair became the norm for men, in part because it was easier to keep clean and lice-free. Long hair on men was often associated with poets, artists, and “dandies” (men who focused on aesthetics and fashion), which was sometimes perceived as less traditionally masculine.
Many Native American tribes associated long hair with strength, spirituality, and wisdom. For some tribes, hair was also seen as an extension of the self, and they believed that their energy or spirit was connected to it, making long hair a significant part of their identity.
Long story short, all the comments are based on zero factual or historical data ( shocking ). There is clearly NO correlation between hair length and masculinity.
Clearly, like in everything in life, peoples loud opinions in matters that don’t have anything to do with themselves, are just a reflection of themselves and have nothing to do with reality.
Glad that we can all agree now and move into more important things in the world.
Besos,
Your favorite ESL friend
Victoria