I am sorry I have been MIA. I honestly have been having a hard time since the last time I wrote on here. Work started picking up (THANK GOD), and I was able to fully immerse myself in it and pretend to avoid thinking. Thinking about trying, thinking about the age of my eggs, thinking about my diet, thinking about different treatments, thinking about more acupuncture, thinking about my healer, thinking about another round of IVF, thinking about how to let go, overthinking about how to “relax”, thinking and overthinking all while failing at it all.
Failing has become an intrinsic part of my life now- which is very hard to navigate as a Virgo perfectionist. Before kids, I felt that I could encapsulate moments of failure, learn from them, and move on. Even when at certain times it got to be a lot, there was always the light at the end of the tunnel - a finishing line. When I was single & childless, there were fewer variables, things felt more contained and more predictable. Even shortly after I had Atlas, and partly because I have been lucky enough to have a very easy baby + full-time help: it all felt very manageable. I felt like I had it all together, I felt like I had figured it out.
There is this fake feminist tagline that says “Women can have it all” - I personally blame it for a lot of my frustration around failure. If I can have it all, why don’t I have it all? What am I doing wrong? I grew up raised by very strong women, who told me with hard work anything and everything is possible. You can be a hot mom, in a good marriage, with a great kid, and thrive at work. If we go under that pretense of success- then we are all failing. I am currently nanny less, trying to hide in the bathroom to send work emails, Atlas is having more screentime than he should, I am snapping with my husband, barely writing on substack, wearing pajamas at 2 pm, zero date nights, def NOT in the best shape of my life, trying to find references for creative projects after I put Atlas to sleep, only to fall asleep before 10 pm from exhaustion, oh and did I mention my face is falling?
I think that in a search for independence, success, and “equality” the feminist movement forgot to mention that although you can have it all, you simply can’t have it all at the same time. And that’s something I learned recently from Dr. Deepika Chopra Under this new mindset both success and failure don’t become absolute - but rather seem to exist in a never-ending choreographed dance. Where we manage to both win and fail on a daily basis. Finishing this post meant that Atlas got to sleep in a lot longer, and change his schedule for the day, I am running late to a photoshoot, and had way more caffeine this am than I should have,+ I am sure there are plenty of grammar mistakes - BUT you know what? We are back substack. We are back
Im sorry it took so long.
Stay tuned for more regular posts, more interviews, more shopping guides, more tips and more news coming soooooon to your inbox.
Besos,
Victoria
Amo esa frase tan cierta, puedes tenerlo TODO, pero no al mismo tiempo. So happy to read you back ♥️
Loving you through this expression. Fuck “having it all” (I saw through gritted teeth). It is all right here anyway.